I don’t know about you, but I have traditionally had a harder time accepting compliments than I have giving them. I seem to be the queen of compliments, always telling other people what a great job they are doing.
This post is coming on the heels of my beloved having drank alcohol after nine years of sobriety. I won’t get into the background here, because that is his story to tell, not mine.
What I can tell you is that I like my wine and cigarettes well enough I can understand compulsive/obsessive behavioral tendencies. And that when I realized my man had been drinking after promising we both wouldn’t, within 10 minutes of him picking me up for lunch, something came over me.
I would call it a combination of God, and the knowledge it takes 21 days to change a habit. In large part from reading Will Bowen’s A COMPLAINT FREE WORLD. I took the 21 day challenge several years ago, and my complaint level has been reduced drastically since then.
Will Bowen, author of A COMPLAINT FREE WORLD.
But, I digress. So this is what happened. I knew my man had been drinking within 10 minutes of him picking me up. I asked, he confirmed. I said I had lost my appetite and to take me home. My feet were out of the car almost before it was parked, I asked for my keys back, and basically shut and locked the door in his face while saying I would not speak to or see him until he had been completely clean and sober for three weeks, 21 days.
He has been completely clean and sober since and has immersed himself in recovery, having a ton of support, while providing me daily sobriety updates via e-mail. He’s doing the work, and his body has such a bad reaction to alcohol, I really don’t anticipate this happening again.
So, that’s as much of the relapse story as I feel comfortable sharing, as the rest of it is not my story.
What is my story is what people told me afterwards, when I described what had happened. It became very clear to me that most of the people I know and love, have known and loved an addict, in some way, shape or form. Some people I expected to be judgmental, weren’t judgmental at all. It was more like, “Well, the people I know in recovery have experienced this…”
What became very clear to me, shortly after this “event”, is how people find me strong and courageous, including my man’s friends in recovery, as he shared his story with them. Rather than just sloughing off the comments with a roll of my eyes…this time I decided to absorb the compliments and embrace them. People find me strong, because I am!!
I would not have had the ability to embrace this part of me 10 years ago, maybe even five.
And I know my man is strong and courageous – it takes a great deal of work on yourself to become sober having a history of personal and family addiction.
And now, just today, (Friday 2/15 as I am writing this -- if I were a marketer, I would separate these two posts so you can see how wonderful I am, LOL)...
I walked today with a friend and work colleague who hadn’t been able to walk for a while because she’s been sick and has allergies and asthma, so takes longer to recover from the flu that wiped most of us out in the office. It took me three weeks to recover.
After we walked, she somehow put this note on my desk without my seeing her – I was buried in the computer and phone.
“Laura, Thank you for inspiring me. Even on a day so full of positive things, you inspire me!” She signed it with her name, the date, and a hand-drawn heart.
And then after work I had a planned phone talk with a family member whom I consider a dear friend, like the sister I never had. She said, “I want you to know that I read your blog posts on Facebook every week, and I always find them inspiring. I wanted you to know that.” It wasn’t the easiest conversation in the world as she is going through some things in her life, and I was sharing my beloved’s recovery with her. (And then, of course, I wanted to say – if you like my blog posts so much, why aren’t you subscribing? I have like 8 subscribers!)
This is the deal, readers. I have been called, in the last three weeks, strong, courageous, and inspirational, more times than I ever remember being called those words before. And that is because it is true.
I encourage you to take off your humility hat and embrace every good thing anybody has to say about you. Recognize the wonderful qualities about you, even if you haven’t been able to see them yourself just yet. Once you get into the practice, you will.
You have a right to get what you deserve. –Will Bowen
Out of every crisis comes the choice to be reborn, to reconceive ourselves as individuals, to choose the kind of change that will help us to grow and fulfill ourselves more completely. –Nena O’Neill
The Twelve Steps of Recovery: Rather than repeat the 12 steps here, I will provide you this link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twelve-step_program
Only one of the 12 steps correlates to substance abuse. I believe the other 11 would be helpful for anyone, anywhere, who wants to live a fuller and more authentic life. I hope you find this helpful.
Authentically Yours, Laura
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