In FINDING YOUR OWN TRUE NORTH, Martha Beck examines how when the essential self and social self are not communicating and working in conjunction with each other (which is likely true of virtually all human beings to a certain extent) inner and outer conflict result. This is from chapter 1: The Disconnected Self.
Melvin worked as a middle manager at IBM and a miserable middle manager Melvin made. If clinical depression had a phone voice, it would sound just like Melvin’s did the morning he called me to see if I could take him on as a client. He’d been feeling sort of flat and listless for a while, he said – no big deal, just the past couple of decades.
After checking into Melvin’s current life, and if he might be a good potential client (because she doesn’t want to waste their money and time if not) Beck got to some of the questions which really interest her. These questions are like: When you were a kid, did you have an imaginary friend? Is there anything you do regularly in which you find time passing without your noticing? Tell me everything you can remember about the best meal you ever had in your life.
Melvin didn’t realize he would need to answer such questions, didn’t feel prepared, and decided to hang up the phone. Beck never heard from him again.
He couldn’t answer the questions because he didn’t know. His essential self, the one who knew what he loved and wanted to do by the time he was in about second grade, was so disconnected from his social self – the one who presents in the world – that the two weren’t talking to each other or on the same page about how to move forward in life.
I don’t know about you, but I really like the idea of my essential and social selves speaking to one another regularly. Let’s get the game on!
Authentically Yours,
Laura
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