Sunday, September 21, 2014

Simply Authentic...Your Soul Voice is Calling. Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway: Part 1

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway: Part 1

Did you know it took Thomas Edison over 10,000 tries before he created the incandescent lamp? I love Edison’s story, a man who never gave up.

I have not failed. I have successfully discovered over 1200 ideas that do not work.

 –Thomas Edison

If you feel like you’re the only person who doesn’t have a clue how to realize your dreams, if you suffer from self-doubt, want to give up, feel like a failure…trust me—you’re not alone.

Barbara Stanny interviewed hundreds of women in writing her books Secrets of Six Figure Women and Overcoming Underearning and found a consistent theme for high earners, ranging in income from $100,000 to over seven million dollars annually. Every single one of them experienced fear and self-doubt.

The moral of the story? Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Authentically Yours,

Laura

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Simply Authentic...Your Soul Voice is Calling. The Craft of Acting

The Craft of Acting

I was first on stage when I was in fifth grade. I played a “very lively orphan” named Harriet in our elementary school operetta Sunny of Sunnyside in Clark, South Dakota. If I remember correctly, I had one line. Possibly two. I do remember I wore a blue jumper, and underneath a polyester white and blue shirt with a collar. I guess that was my first costume. I would later – at age 40 – come on stage in a purple cat suit with gold buckles and transparent sleeves, a curly red wig, and chunky gold high-heeled sandals to play a Texan ex-Yam Queen.   

I sang and played instruments (piano, clarinet, bells in marching band) all through school and was in more plays, musicals and singing groups than I can list here without boring you to the point of drizzling drool. Which about sums up the level of my acting ability at that time.

After one show in college, I didn’t get onstage again until I was living in Salem, Oregon and newly married. As an adult, I have studied with two wonderful teachers (three if you count private coaching for a monologue), most recently completing Nancy McDonald’s (www.jugglingfeathers.com) wonderful Professional Actor’s Class at Lakewood Theatre in Lake Oswego, Oregon.

I honestly don’t remember what drove me to Jo Dodge’s acting class at the Pentacle Theatre; I think we received Chemeketa Community College’s class schedule in the mail, I read through it, and thought an acting class looked interesting. And it was affordable.

I felt completely at home in that first class, much like I did in my first voice class with Linda Brice (but that’s another story for another time.) Ultimately, I took something like 12 terms of acting classes from Jo…mainly because it was like cheap therapy and I enjoyed it so much, difficult and challenging though it was…and somewhere along the way I learned how to act.
Let me make a distinct distinction. By “how to act” I don’t mean “this is how you should act!” a term many of us heard way too often growing up. I mean I learned how to become emotionally open and vulnerable in front of a whole bunch of people I don’t know.

Even if you have no desire to act or be on stage, I’ll bet you have certain movies, plays or performances you enjoy watching, possibly over and over again. I certainly do. Those favorites touch you emotionally…through laughter, tears, a facepalm moment of OMG—we all do this stupid shit, feeling at one with the music, completely identifying with a character or scenario, feeling like someone punched you in the gut because it’s so real…because the people who were “performing” felt emotions you identify with. I believe I can say unequivocally if the actor doesn’t feel something, the audience won’t either.

If you think this is easy (as in, I could make 10 or 20 million dollars a movie, too – if I looked like Charlize Theron or James Franco)…think again! Try it! Go to an acting class or workshop, find a script at the library, and be presented with the task of slipping into another character and feeling what that person feels with all their history, their relationships, their hopes, fears and dreams.
 
Consider, for example, becoming a plumber who made a good living until his wife of 45 years died of cancer and he was left with an empty bed and a mountain of bills. What about a pianist who lived with fear of rejection and desire for perfection all her life until she had a wrist injury which kept her away from her instrument? Perhaps an 11 year old heterosexual boy who watched his older sister coming out as a lesbian, and how his parents reacted? The crazy aunt whose mission in life seemed to be to make everybody around her laugh?

I find the process humbling, creative, expansive, healing and uplifting. And…the skills can be translated to “real life.”

First of all, many of us worry too much about things that will never even happen or plan for things we really can’t control. We’d be better off getting into our hearts and bodies—experiencing what we’re feeling before responding, than spending so much time in our heads trying to figure out what to do, how to react, or mentally creating worrisome scenarios that don’t exist.  

Here are the five “ingredients” – the primary tools in an actor’s toolkit – as taught to me by Jo Dodge.

-Who am I?

-Where am I?

-What do I want (and why do I want it?)

-What is the relationship?

-The conflict?

The WHO is pretty obvious. You’re that plumber, the pianist, the boy, the crazy aunt, with all of the rich history of that character.

*The more you can identify with the inner workings and motivations of a character, the better actor you will be. The more you can do the same in interacting with another person in your life – ie, walk a mile in their moccasins – the more effective you will be in communication.

The WHERE is important because you are going to behave much differently in a crowded restaurant than you are in your bedroom by yourself, on a plane going down with an engine on fire than on the swing on your sister’s front porch.

*If you always behave exactly the same way whether in a restaurant, your bedroom, a crashing plane, or your sister’s porch…well…there is reason for concern. J  

What do I WANT (and why do I want it?) can be more challenging. This is the motivating force that drives what you say and do, in character, on stage. Jo always said you need a strong want; if it’s not strong enough, find another right away.  And it can’t be a “don’t want.” (I don’t want to go to work today. I don’t want you to get your driver’s license yet.) And for purposes of improv, on stage, it should be what do you want in the next five minutes, not a month or a year from now.

*If you don’t want to go to work today, what do you want to do today? Seriously? In an ideal version of the highest and grandest vision of yourself, how would you spend today? And the next day, and the next? And why?

RELATIONSHIP.  A man walks onstage. He picks up an envelope on the table, opens it, and pulls out a piece of paper with a lot of numbers in a column and a total below a bold line. Also on the table is a framed photograph of a lovely, smiling woman who appears to be in her late 60’s. The man sits down at the table and puts down the paper, upside down, with shaking hands. He picks up the framed photo, looks at it, and begins to cry.

We have a relationship here with noone else on stage but the man, and not a word spoken. You can see this is the plumber mentioned above.   

*It is easy for any of us to get so caught up in what we want that we forget what is important to the other person in the relationship, be it our partner, parent, child, sibling, co-worker or client.

CONFLICT.

There is no interesting book, play or movie without conflict. Being born means we will experience conflict, which probably started—if not in the womb—when our parents had differing ideas on how to approach our crying in the middle of the might when our diapers were wet. Fred wants to go to the 3D horror movie at the new cinemaplex while his girlfriend Paula wants to stay home, make beer cheese soup and watch GHOST on DVD. Again. Your aunt wants to plant marigolds; your uncle is all for ghost peppers. You want to take a weekend for gallery hopping; your partner wants to plan a trip for nearby B & B’s that boast haunting (while I’m on the ghost kick.)

*Yep, it’s inevitable. Conflict. How do you deal with it? Do you listen and feel before responding (rather than reacting?) Do you know what you want? Do you know what the other party wants? It sure helps if you both do, and you can communicate clearly without belittling or badgering each other.

Cheers to knowing who you are, where you are, what you want, how to develop the relationship despite conflict, and the same of the people with whom you choose to interact! And please enjoy the next movie or play you go to – applaud the actors madly and passionately.

Authentically Yours,

Laura

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Simply Authentic...Your Soul Voice is Calling. Follow Your Own Dream

Follow Your Own Dream

THE LAKE HOUSE (Warner Brothers, 2006) is one of my all time favorite movies, and very possibly my favorite romantic movie. At least I can’t think of any I like better. In it, there is a scene in which Kate (Sandra Bullock’s character) shares with Alex (Keanu Reeves’ character) that her father – who whisked her away from a would-be singing career with a musician boyfriend when she was just 16 – had a dream of her becoming a doctor, and eventually her father’s dreams became her own.

If you ask me, a parent dreaming of their child becoming a medical practitioner is probably preferable to persuading him or her towards…say…involvement in organized crime or a terrorist group. And I certainly admire anyone who has the wherewithal to make it through medical school. All the same, I would rather see every parent encouraging their children to explore the most authentic dreams in the deepest recesses of the child’s heart and soul.

I read two things today (I am writing this September 3, 2014) by two different writers who approach this topic in radically different ways. To me, they are both well-written excerpts which speak to the same overriding philosophy. I want to share them both with you.

The Unwatched Space

             I tried so hard to please that I never realized no one is watching.

I imagined, like everyone else at school, that my parents were sitting just out of view like those quiet doctors behind clean mirrors, watching and reprimanding my every move. As I reached adulthood, the habit continued. I walked around constantly troubled by what others must be thinking of what I was or was not doing. In this, we are burdened with the seeds of self-conscious. From this, we trouble our spontaneity and the possibility of joy by watching ourselves too closely, nervously unsure if this or that is a mistake.

It is from the burden of others watching and judging that the need to achieve gets exaggerated into the want for fame. I remember at different times fantasizing the future gathering like an audience, ready to marvel at how much I had done with so little. It didn’t even matter for what this attention might come. Just let some form of watchfulness be approving, and I would know relief.

It wasn’t till I woke bleeding after surgery, with all those mothlike angels breathing against me, that I realized that the audience was gone. I cried way inside, not because I had just had a rib removed and not because I was in the midst of battling cancer. I cried because I had not only been physically opened, but also opened beneath my sense of being watched. Somehow the unwatched space was given air. Though I could explain it to no one, my sobs were sobs of relief, the water of a de-shelled spirit soaking ground.

Years have passed, and I wait long hours in the sun to see the birch fall of its own weight into the lake, and it seems to punctuate God’s mime. Nothing said about it. Now the audience of watchers is gone and I can feel life happen in its quiet, vibrant way without anything interfering. Now, sometimes at night, when the dog is asleep and the owl is beginning to stare into what no one ever sees, I stand on the deck and feel the honey of night spill off the stars, feel it coat the earth, the trees, the minds of children half asleep, feel the stillness evaporate all notions of fame into the unwatched space that waits for light. In this undistorted silence, the presence of God is a kiss. It is here in this unwatched space that peace begins.

– Mark Nepo, THE BOOK OF AWAKENING. Conari Imprint, Red wheel/Weiser, Boston, MA 2000

 
Barbara Stanny’s Weekly Words of Wealth

Is Becoming Your True Self a Scary Thought?

Ultimately, Financial Success is an Act of Individuation.
 
            Individuation is a psychological task we should’ve undertaken as adolescents, but which few of us (especially women) have actually completed.

Individuation means distinguishing what’s true for us from what’s been artificially imposed—by our family or society as a whole—then letting go of what no longer serves us.

What we think we are supposed to be—all the shoulds, oughts, musts—too often gets in the way of what we actually could be.

I invite you to ponder this: What values, goals, beliefs have I absorbed from my family that no longer suit me? Then consider how these may be standing in the way of your utmost success.

Warmly, Barbara. www.barbarastanny.com

 
Let go of the perceived watchers. Embrace your individuation. Follow your own dream.

Authentically Yours,

Laura

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Simply Authentic...Your Soul Voice is Calling. When Others Doubt

When Others Doubt

Lately I have had several conversations with different people for whom what they have been doing (specifically in their job/profession) simply is not working anymore. These people have all known for some time that change was inevitable; it’s just a matter of time. Two of these people, both colleagues I met in a work environment whom I also consider friends, have opted to leave their current situations without what many might term a “safety net.” Both have long term partners who are wonderfully supportive, yet they are in different stages in their careers and work life. One plans to temp while she identifies a job she really wants in the right environment with the right people, and the other will take her nursing and business skills in a different direction that is more heart fulfilling.

I have taken leaps of faith like this myself, at least three times, throughout my career so far. I don’t consider myself a particularly courageous person. Some of the motorcycle rides my brother has gone on would probably make me throw up. There is no way I am jumping out of an airplane with a parachute, as my fiancé has done.

Yet I do know it takes courage to leave your comfort zone. The thing is…for most people the comfort zone has become so uncomfortable it feels like change is the only choice if you are to get out of bed in the morning and not pawn everything you own for a one way ticket to anywhere but here.

AND! Then you have to deal with other people in your life when you tell them, or they eventually learn, about your decision. If making the decision to take the leap of faith is difficult…say, like trying to photograph a giraffe in the wild in Africa…trying to explain why you have done so to people who profess to care about you (and probably really do)… can be like trying to saddle and ride the long-neck.

Very often people who come across as negative simply want what THEY feel is best for you. They don’t want you to be hurt if you fail. They most likely haven’t read Wayne Dyer’s 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace and learned about the myth of failure. As Dyer says, there is no such thing as failure. Everything we do simply produces a result.

If you make a chocolate soufflé and it falls the first time, do you whine and cry about being a failure as a chocolate soufflé maker? Or do you simply try the recipe again, a different recipe, or create your own, until you’ve made the soufflé you had envisioned?

If I had gone by the first batch of garlic dill pickles I made with my ex-husband when we had a garden and baby cucumbers, I’d be a lifetime failure as a pickle maker. They were so salty and soggy, I dumped all six quarts down the garbage disposal…except for the one I’d brought the neighbors, and they were grateful when I suggested the same to them! The next batch wasn’t salty enough, yet was crisper. The third batch was nearly perfect, if a tad heavy on the garlic.

Each batch was closer to the “dream pickle”, so to speak.

The same is true of whatever change and next move is calling to you. It doesn’t have to be perfect at the onset. Just take a step. Experience how it tastes, smells, and feels. If it isn’t quite right…tweak it. And then tweak it again.

I believe in you.

Authentically Yours,
 

Laura

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Simply Authentic...Your Soul Voice is Calling. The Three Time Rule

The Three Time Rule

One philosophy I live by is what I sometimes call the Three Time Rule. We receive little nudges, often unbeknownst to us, meant to bring us another step closer to realizing our dreams and creative potential. I’m thinking back now to a day in college towards the end of my senior year. I majored in broadcast journalism my freshman year at South Dakota State University. One of my classes entailed an assignment doing radio spots and editing (at that time, literally splicing) the tape with a partner. My partner’s name was Marilyn. Marilyn and I had the best time doing that assignment, laughing our way through most of it. As you can imagine, we had to tape over and over again because of the laughter, so we were in the studio the entire afternoon. I don’t remember what kind of a grade I got on that assignment, but I do remember the fun Marilyn and I had together.

 I switched majors to psychology and eventually sociology after that term and didn’t see Marilyn again for three years. Then in the last few days of my senior year, I ran into her three times in three different locations in one day. We were both astounded. Had I known then what I know now, I would have invited Marilyn for a cup of coffee—or more likely, at the time, a beer. This Three Time Rule philosophy has proven itself to me over and over. If I see or read about something more than just a couple of times, I look into it and virtually always find some gem of inspiration I needed to move another degree or two closer to my dreams. Sometimes three different people will recommend the same book to me within a short period of time, and reading that book gives me an entirely new perspective, an alternative route to accomplishing my dreams I hadn’t seen before.

Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together? Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences. –Emery Allen

Authentically Yours,

Laura

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Simply Authentic...Your Soul Voice is Calling. One Good Thing

One Good Thing

If you’ll excuse my “French,” this week started off shitty. I felt like crap all day on Sunday and didn’t leave the house once. I typically don’t watch much TV; (truly, I don’t; just ask my fiancé and roommate who hates it when I call him “roommate” – he’ll vouch for me.) But I sat on the sofa with my cat and watched three back to back movies on the Hallmark Channel that day. I was grateful when my voice teacher suggested rescheduling our planned afternoon get-together. In fact, I didn’t even shower until right before I went to bed (at 8:00 pm, no lie) and that was just to rinse off in cool water because the weather was hot and I was miserable.


I didn’t feel much better going into the office the next morning, but not bad enough to stay at home again and take a sick day. I was crabby. Slightly depressed. And it was a MONDAY by all accounts. I seriously considered rescheduling my phone consultation with my web diva Monday evening as well. But I’m eager to get going on my new website, had already postponed one appointment in the preceding 36 hours, and don’t have a lot of free time right now. So I decided to forge ahead.

Something happened about a quarter way through our talk. I started to get excited. I remembered what great collaborators Amy and I were when she was designing my Wishweavers logo and website something like a dozen years ago now. I got enthused about moving ahead with the writing and workshop product offerings I feel drawn to put out into the world in a bigger way. I started imagining the color scheme, design and what the site might look like. By the time we hung up the phone after 45 minutes, I was so happy I cried. Literally.

And then I thought about something a co-worker said to me last week. She got married a few months ago after being engaged for something like eight years. I may have asked her how married life was, or some such thing. She mentioned how shocked she was by her husband’s regular practice of coming home from work and laying down to rest. “He does this, for 15 or 20 minutes, every day!” she said. I thought, “How cool. Good for him!” She continued, “When I get home from work it’s always something with the kids, the pets, the groceries, laundry, putting dinner on; I never even sit down until 8:30 at night.”

My co-worker certainly isn’t the only person in the world (I’ll go so far as to say amongst mothers in particular) who could honestly, and perhaps unfortunately, make such a statement.

How many of us make a practice of doing something we want to do, something that makes us happy, every single day? Do you? Truly? I’m paying attention to if I do and so far the answer is no. But I sure feel better when I do.

I’m not talking about what you do for a living (even if you really love what you do for a living), watching TV, any household chores even if you really enjoy a particular chore, or going to the gym. And we should throw parenting out of the mix, too, no matter how much you love being a parent and love your children. I’m talking about the kind of good thing that sings to your “essential self” or “inner nature,” as author and life coach extraordinaire, Martha Beck, would say. We all have an essential self who knew this stuff before we were like, say, five. Or started school. Or whenever other people started telling us all the reasons why we shouldn’t or couldn’t engage in something that made us happy, or all the things that we should like and do because that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

For me, for example, one of those things has always been hanging with animals. Mom tells me my first word was “kitty.” My best friend at age nine was my horse. To this day, I see the dog walking before I see the person at the other end of the leash.

Also, singing and playing piano. And walking outside in nature. Drawing was one, too.

In fourth grade (before I had even first been on stage in fifth grade) I was writing little plays, based on the TV show I DREAM OF JEANNIE, and performing them with my classmates on the playground during recess. Noone taught me to do this – I just automatically did it because it was fun and Julie or Shelly agreed to play/act with me. (There’s that instigator of mine from the last post.) Is it any wonder that acting and writing both bring me such joy now – even though I’ve made no money from acting to date – and not all that much from writing yet either!


Thank goodness I had the sense (and not the kind that comes from your head) to start taking acting classes and get back on stage again in my 30’s. And I did receive, out of the blue, a $2.19 royalty check from my first book last year. I asked my CPA if it would pop me into a higher tax bracket.

For a lot of people, gardening is one good thing. (Note I haven’t mentioned Martha Stewart. I’m not sure which library would have enough room for all of her good things.) Not so much for me, especially the pulling weeds part, but I do love hanging out in gardens and eating fresh produce from my or anyone else’s garden. Maybe for some people, going to the gym is. But I doubt it. Dancing, horseback riding, swimming, yoga, golfing, tennis, etc., is for a lot of people, though. You know the difference because of the way you feel when you think about, or are engaged in, the activity.

At the present time, I have two non-negotiables. I read something inspirational every single morning, first thing. I go to the bathroom, make a cup of tea, and go back to bed and read before I start my day. (This year it is Mark Nepo’s THE BOOK OF AWAKENING.) And I Godwalk typically five days a week. This morning I started making myself happy while I was shaving my legs as I started writing this blog post in my mind. I took my Godwalk mid-day. I sang Lorde on the way to the office. And I took a break at the office mid-afternoon to start working on this post. When I got home, I poured a lovely glass of pinot noir and am flushing out the writing now before heading into the kitchen to make tacos, which are fun to cook and I immensely enjoy eating. I will hula hoop later too (which I am darned proud of myself for learning to do at the age of 47) because that sounded like more fun than going to the gym. Which I will likely do tomorrow before…acting class!!!! J

I am challenging myself to do one good thing for my essential self every day, starting with through the end of this month. But really forever. I challenge you to try it for a week! Let me know what you discover!!

Contrary to what you may have been taught, there is nothing frivolous or superficial about what you want. It isn’t a luxury that can wait until you’ve taken care of all the “serious” business of life. It’s a necessity. What you want is what you need.” –Barbara Sher, WISHCRAFT

Laura’s Home Movie Popcorn Recipe

Put 3 tablespoons cooking oil into a heavy four quart pan and add 1/3 to 1/2 cup popping corn kernels. Cover, slightly ajar, and heat on medium, shaking occasionally, until popping slows. (Yes, microwave popcorn works in a pinch, but this is better.) Put popped corn in a large bowl and add two tablespoons melted butter, sprinkle liberally with grated parmesan cheese (try real fresh cheese rather than from the green can – I buy the already grated kind and stick it in the freezer) and add some ground sea salt. Stir well. Don’t make this when you’re on a diet, but it’s really good on a shitty Sunday when you’re watching back to back movies on the Hallmark Channel.

Life is not intended to be simply a round of work, no matter how interesting and important that work may be. A moment’s pause to watch the glory of a sunrise or a sunset is soul satisfying, while a bird’s song will set the steps to music all day long. –Laura Ingalls Wilder

Authentically Yours,

Laura

Monday, August 4, 2014

Simply Authentic...Your Soul Voice is Calling. I Give You My Word

I Give You My Word

Was there any one particular word you were labeled with as a child? Was that word true about you?

I remember a handful of words placed on me. Motor-mouth, for example, was one I heard on the school bus. Apparently I liked to talk a lot on the bus. (No wonder I’m a writer and actor now.) But that’s not “the word”…I’ll get to that in a bit. J

Recently I facilitated a “practice run” weekend workshop. As providence would have it, the participants able to make it that Saturday and Sunday received some pointed insights from the process, while giving me hugely valuable feedback.

One of the most poignant exercises was sharing our “word.” This stemmed from something I read in Julia Cameron’s THE VEIN OF GOLD (G.P. Putnam’s Sons, 1996) wherein she shared a story about composer Michael Hoppe (http://www.michaelhoppe.com/). I have read Cameron’s books before – but, interestingly – didn’t pull this one (a gift) out again until after I had met Mr. Hoppe personally. I sang one of his songs at the Transformational Voice Institute graduation ceremony, after I had completed the apprentice voice teacher training. I find Michael Hoppe to be gifted, gentle, insightful, and basically a wonderful man.

Paraphrasing Cameron, Michael Hoppe was denigrated a “dreamer” as a child and not encouraged to take his music and composition dreams seriously. As a result, he became an executive in the record industry, representing other artists’ works. One “happy” day (Hoppe himself was mortified at the time) his own work accidentally came up at the end of the reel of music he had presented sharing the works of other composers. But that accidentally-at-the-end-of-the-tape-composer was precisely what that particular film producer was looking for. And the “dreamer” began to embrace the dream.

For one of my workshop participants, the word was “sensitive”, feeling everything, it’s like I need to walk on egg-shells around you.

MY word was “instigator.” Always the one starting things. I knew how to get things going. Yet I often suppressed that gift because I had a feeling it was a “bad” thing. Thankfully, I came to embrace my instigator as an innovator and connector later in life.

I encourage you to identify your word, whatever it might have been. And then turn it around…what are the innate strengths in that word? In you?

I want every little girl who’s told she’s bossy, to be told instead she has leadership skills. –Sheryl Sandberg, CEO of Facebook

Authentically Yours,

Laura