Simply Authentic...Your Soul Voice is Calling. Requesting Guidance

Requesting Guidance

My last post was about listening to the IVIN (Inner Voice/Intuitive Nature), and I gave a specific example, one involving dear friends, from my own life. 

Here’s another personal example illustrating how it’s wise to not only listen to the IVIN, but to ask for guidance.

In early 2010, I was working at a claims job I had grown to hate, while going through voice teacher apprenticeship training with the Transformational Voice Institute, which I loved. I was using my PTO time to attend the weekly apprenticeship meeting on Friday afternoons, and was in the studio two other evenings a week after work – for my personal voice lesson and to co-teach or assist with a voice class. The job I had at the time couldn’t be accomplished in 40 or 50 hours a week, much less 36. There were times I worked from my home computer at midnight, trying to catch up.

Push came to shove, and I needed to make a choice. My work product was suffering to the point where my PTO would be revoked and I couldn’t attend the TVI meetings anymore. I asked myself, “Why would I give up something I love to save a job I hate?” I knew I would regret that decision for the rest of my life.

But the idea of quitting my job without having another income source filled me with fear. Terror. How could I possibly be so financially irresponsible? I had obligations and commitments; I couldn’t just quit!

When it became very clear that choice was upon me, I took a deep breath and went for a Godwalk, my usual walking route around the office. I prayed. I asked for guidance as to what I should do now, what I should apply for, what my next steps were. While waiting at a stoplight, I literally said (I don’t recall if aloud or silently in my head), “If I’m going to quit my job, in this economy, without having another one, I want a sign.”

The light turned green, I crossed the street, and halfway down the block I saw Paul, whom I worked with in the 1990’s at the same quasi-public insurance company I mentioned in my last post. He runs, I walk, and our paths would occasionally cross. But for the first time, that day, he stopped running and asked me where I worked. I said I was seriously considering resigning, and he suggested I send my resume as Matrix had some new business coming on board which would mean new hires. I had to memorize his email address in my head as neither of us had business cards, anything to write with, or phones on us.

If that’s not an immediate answer to a prayer, I don’t know what is.

So, I put in my notice – a long term notice – with that company, and kept up with my voice training.

I was unemployed for four and a half months—applying and interviewing with other companies and signing up for temp work all the while—before the job with Matrix materialized. I went through some scary times, times when I wasn’t even sure how I would put gas in my car. But somehow money always mysteriously showed up when I needed it, even a room to rent for 60 days; then when the job did materialize, I was hired at a substantially higher annual income than I was making at that shitty job I left.

That was a happy day.

And during that uncertain period, I learned how to trust. How to believe if I only listen to what is true in my heart, and take a step…even if seemingly off a cliff…I will be provided for.

And now, over four years later... This job has been great (if certainly challenging and frustrating at times – that’s the nature of a claims job) and Paul one of the best managers I have ever had. I’ve also known for over a year it’s time to make a change. I have workshops to facilitate (I’ve already written and taken a “test drive” of one full two day Authentic Expression workshop), classes to create, at least two more books to write, acting to do, and authentic performance to teach.  My first voice student in about three years recently signed up for her first lesson. I can’t do all of this and continue to work a full time job at the same time.

Writing my resignation letter (at home) wasn’t easy. In fact, I’m surprised how difficult it was, considering how ready I have been to leave, and for how long. Tears trickled down my face while I was typing it and I kept having to stop to blow my nose. It took me two and a half hours to work up the courage (at the office) to send Paul a simple e-mail…”Do you have time to chat for a few minutes at some point today?” I’ve given ample flexibility for my notice period as it would be nice to see a new examiner hired and trained before I leave. So at this point I don’t know exactly when my last day will be.

I do know it’s time to move on and more fully embrace my heart callings. This time I’m more financially prepared, and it is not such a dramatic need for change…yet I’m still stepping out into the unknown, ready to take another risk. Nothing great comes without risk and challenge. There are times we simply must leave the security of the safety net to embrace our full potential.

In fact, I would say we must continuously do so.

I will see you there…where the sea-watery essence of our colliding dreams meets the open waves and sandy ground of the sun-warmed beach.

Authentically Yours,

Laura

Simply Authentic...Your Soul Voice is Calling. The Inner Voice/Intuitive Nature at Work

The Inner Voice/Intuitive Nature at Work

Anyone who knows my writing and facilitation work knows I often use the term IVIN (Inner Voice/Intuitive Nature) in describing the importance of intuition for authentic guidance and direction.

It occurs to me I’ve never before written about one specific example of my own IVIN at work, in a rather bizarre and unexpected manner. And this prompting wasn’t even for me personally; it was about my friends Stella and Rob.

I worked with both Stella and Rob at a quasi-public insurance company in the 1990’s. I knew both of them, but they didn’t know each other except in passing. At the same company, I was assigned to Marcia as her claims mentor, and we became friends and made music together.

Years later, when none of us were working for that company, I met Marcia for coffee. She was now employed with the State, and so was Rob. Shortly before my coffee date with Marcia, I had reached out to Rob for feedback on my burgeoning website or a flyer - something like that - after re-connecting with him in an acting class. Stella was working for a different company as a claims professional, and we often walked together or batted a tennis ball around.

Marcia and I met at a café right there in the State office building, had a wonderful conversation, and – as we were walking out – Rob walked in. We exchanged a hug and a few pleasantries. Marcia remembered Rob from our quasi-public insurance company days.

Marcia and I left the café and headed into the hall. And the strangest thing happened. I “heard” these words in my head: “Rob is for Stella.”

Not, Rob and Stella should hang out. Or Stella might like Rob. Or any other linguistic combination you might hit on while you’re getting the sense you should hook one person up with another.  Nope. It was “Rob is for Stella.”

Thankfully, I’ve learned to listen to these inner promptings no matter how bizarrely they come worded, or if in wordless feelings, so I turned to Marcia and asked, “Do you remember Stella?” She did.  I asked, “Can you see her with Rob?” She absolutely could.

Rob sent me his feedback that evening in an email, and when I thanked him for his input, I asked if he remembered Stella. He did and had always thought she seemed interesting and sexy, but he had just become un-entangled from a complicated relationship and had absolutely no interest in dating. He was single, and that was the end of that story.

So I certainly did not expect to hear from Rob again the following evening, with a message that I would not BELIEVE what had happened in the past 24 hours.

After getting my email mentioning Stella the preceding evening, Rob had a breakfast appointment with an investigator who used to work at the same company we all met at. The investigator asked if he remembered Stella, saying she was single now.

After the breakfast appointment, Rob had a scheduled haircut. His stylist wondered if he might want to meet another client of hers (you know where this is going, right?) named…Stella.

Talk about getting hit on the head with a virtual 2 x 4. Three times within a 24 hour period!

I called Stella for permission to share her contact information and sent them both an email with contact information, making it clear that was the end of my part!

Stella later told me when she opened the door for their first date and saw Rob standing there on the landing…that was it. They both knew. They have been happily married now for over eight years, and came to our house-warming party after George and I rented a home together.

I share this story because: 1) It’s just such a cool story. 2) I’m so happy my two friends found lasting love together, and that I was one of THREE people who set them up – in one day!!! 3) It’s a reminder that your IVIN isn’t just for you…it will help all those in your circle, and even people you don’t know yet.

So listen already, right? J

Authentically Yours,

Laura

Simply Authentic...Your Soul Voice is Calling. Stormtroopers in the Office

Stormtroopers in the Office

This last week at my day job (as a Sr. Claims Examiner with a third party administrator—TPA—handling workers’ compensation claims for self-insured employers) I ran across the name of an attorney firm I hadn’t seen in a while. This firm shall remain nameless, but I used to deal with them quite a bit when I worked at my first insurance employer back in the 1990’s, and – in fact – my ex-husband knew some of the partners personally as he sold them their office equipment. The firm specializes in cases like personal injury and, of course, workers’ compensation.

I was curious as I hadn’t seen the firm name in several years, so I checked out their website. There I found…and I quote verbatim…

*Insurance companies are multi-billion dollar Deathstars with buildings full of lawyers and experts, all bearing down on you with bad intentions.

*Beware the Nice Insurance Person (This was the title of a blog post).

*Your initial contact with insurance claims representatives may frequently be pleasant. Their goal is to make you comfortable and gain your trust. However, when dealing with your own insurance company or the insurance company that caused the accident, this friendly attitude will inevitably change.

*Remember that insurance claims people are evaluated, receive pay increases, and receive promotions based upon the amounts that they do not pay. It is in their interest to not pay you everything you are entitled to receive.

Uh, wow.

When I mentioned this to my fiancé after getting home from work, he said that smacked of “ambulance chaser” to him.  Which may actually be a nicer term than “Deathstar”; I haven’t decided yet.

I’ve never worked in auto or personal injury claims, so I can’t speak to that. But I can say it is my job to ENSURE injured workers receive the benefits they are entitled to under the law, and if I didn’t make that happen I wouldn’t have a job for very long. And I really do try to be nice to everyone…workers, employers, medical providers…attorneys, legal assistants…wookiees…

Fortunately, I am a big Star Wars (original trilogy) fan and…the older I get, the more I find humor in things. So I found the Deathstar analogy quite amusing.

A play I worked on in my last acting class, STEEL MAGNOLIAS, was beautifully translated to the big screen by the playwright, Robert Harling. You’ve probably seen it. And it may be time to see it again. George ordered the DVD and we watched this exquisite film again after acting class was over for the term. Every time I see it (the play or the movie), I laugh and laugh and cry and cry. It’s SO good.

There is a scene in the movie (that isn’t in the play – there are no male characters in the play) the night before M’Lynn and Shelby are headed to the hospital for the kidney transplant. (I can’t believe anyone reading this doesn’t know the storyline, but just in case – M’Lynn, the mother, donates a kidney to her daughter, Shelby, who is severely diabetic and having a baby did a number on her kidneys.) The family is playing cards and one of Shelby’s brothers says, “Give me…all of your internal organs!” Everyone laughs hysterically (except for the father, who is clearly worried sick about the health and well being of his wife and daughter). And then there’s a reference to “A Tale of Two Kidneys,” which illicits the laughter all over again.

In no way do I mean to compare needing an organ transplant to having the industry you work in likened to arguably the most destructive space station ever created in the history of science fiction…I’m just saying that sometimes humor in the best place to go in a tense or uncomfortable situation. And sometimes you just kinda can’t help it.

So…I said loudly enough that anybody in the accompanying cubicles could hear…”Did you all know that insurance companies are multi-billion dollar Deathstars with evil intentions?”

A colleague chirped back, “Does that make us all stormtroopers?”

This is how our cubicles looked when I left the office on Friday.

May The Force (of humor) Be With You.

Authentically Yours,

Laura

Simply Authentic...Your Soul Voice is Calling. Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway: Part 2

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway: Part 2

If you’ve been tempted to completely give up on your dream…remember fears, doubts, lack of self-confidence…all these pieces of internal resistance are completely and absolutely normal. We’ve all experienced the same thoughts and emotions.

So, how do we move forward in spite of the fears, doubts and other “alligators” snapping at our heads, as my acting teacher Jo liked to say?

I have learned from acting classes and being on stage, embodying a character who isn’t you, from a script, takes a good deal of courage. I’m not talking about stage fright, but about allowing yourself to become emotionally vulnerable. As I mentioned in a previous post, if the actor doesn’t feel anything, the audience won’t either. That’s what I mean by becoming vulnerable.

Fear of becoming emotionally vulnerable on stage is no different than the fear of realizing your dreams. A few common worries are:

*They’re not going to like me

*I’m going to mess up

*I don’t have the skills or ability to do this

*Why am I even doing this? Who do I think I am?

*I’m going to fail

I am here to tell you, with everything I have learned from my acting classes and experiences on stage – this kind of thinking is all about “me, me, me.” When you are focused on your insecurities and fears, you can’t possibly be focused on being of service and living in your Divine Direction at the same time. Many wise teachers have said over the ages fear and love cannot exist simultaneously.

Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered. No one was there. –Herbert V. Prochnow

You have something remarkable to share with the world that noone else has, just like your unique fingerprints or the patterns of the irises in your eyes. When you are getting up on stage or pursuing your dreams while moving through the fear, you are sharing the gift of your unique self with other people. You are living in your Divine Direction.

You may be good, but what are you good for? You’ve got to be good for something. You’ve got to be about some project, some task that requires you to be humble and obedient to the universal principles of service. –Stephen R. Covey

Authentically Yours,


Laura

Simply Authentic...Your Soul Voice is Calling. Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway: Part 1

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway: Part 1

Did you know it took Thomas Edison over 10,000 tries before he created the incandescent lamp? I love Edison’s story, a man who never gave up.

I have not failed. I have successfully discovered over 1200 ideas that do not work.

 –Thomas Edison

If you feel like you’re the only person who doesn’t have a clue how to realize your dreams, if you suffer from self-doubt, want to give up, feel like a failure…trust me—you’re not alone.

Barbara Stanny interviewed hundreds of women in writing her books Secrets of Six Figure Women and Overcoming Underearning and found a consistent theme for high earners, ranging in income from $100,000 to over seven million dollars annually. Every single one of them experienced fear and self-doubt.

The moral of the story? Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Authentically Yours,

Laura

Simply Authentic...Your Soul Voice is Calling. The Craft of Acting

The Craft of Acting

I was first on stage when I was in fifth grade. I played a “very lively orphan” named Harriet in our elementary school operetta Sunny of Sunnyside in Clark, South Dakota. If I remember correctly, I had one line. Possibly two. I do remember I wore a blue jumper, and underneath a polyester white and blue shirt with a collar. I guess that was my first costume. I would later – at age 40 – come on stage in a purple cat suit with gold buckles and transparent sleeves, a curly red wig, and chunky gold high-heeled sandals to play a Texan ex-Yam Queen.   

I sang and played instruments (piano, clarinet, bells in marching band) all through school and was in more plays, musicals and singing groups than I can list here without boring you to the point of drizzling drool. Which about sums up the level of my acting ability at that time.

After one show in college, I didn’t get onstage again until I was living in Salem, Oregon and newly married. As an adult, I have studied with two wonderful teachers (three if you count private coaching for a monologue), most recently completing Nancy McDonald’s (www.jugglingfeathers.com) wonderful Professional Actor’s Class at Lakewood Theatre in Lake Oswego, Oregon.

I honestly don’t remember what drove me to Jo Dodge’s acting class at the Pentacle Theatre; I think we received Chemeketa Community College’s class schedule in the mail, I read through it, and thought an acting class looked interesting. And it was affordable.

I felt completely at home in that first class, much like I did in my first voice class with Linda Brice (but that’s another story for another time.) Ultimately, I took something like 12 terms of acting classes from Jo…mainly because it was like cheap therapy and I enjoyed it so much, difficult and challenging though it was…and somewhere along the way I learned how to act.
Let me make a distinct distinction. By “how to act” I don’t mean “this is how you should act!” a term many of us heard way too often growing up. I mean I learned how to become emotionally open and vulnerable in front of a whole bunch of people I don’t know.

Even if you have no desire to act or be on stage, I’ll bet you have certain movies, plays or performances you enjoy watching, possibly over and over again. I certainly do. Those favorites touch you emotionally…through laughter, tears, a facepalm moment of OMG—we all do this stupid shit, feeling at one with the music, completely identifying with a character or scenario, feeling like someone punched you in the gut because it’s so real…because the people who were “performing” felt emotions you identify with. I believe I can say unequivocally if the actor doesn’t feel something, the audience won’t either.

If you think this is easy (as in, I could make 10 or 20 million dollars a movie, too – if I looked like Charlize Theron or James Franco)…think again! Try it! Go to an acting class or workshop, find a script at the library, and be presented with the task of slipping into another character and feeling what that person feels with all their history, their relationships, their hopes, fears and dreams.

 
Consider, for example, becoming a plumber who made a good living until his wife of 45 years died of cancer and he was left with an empty bed and a mountain of bills. What about a pianist who lived with fear of rejection and desire for perfection all her life until she had a wrist injury which kept her away from her instrument? Perhaps an 11 year old heterosexual boy who watched his older sister coming out as a lesbian, and how his parents reacted? The crazy aunt whose mission in life seemed to be to make everybody around her laugh?

I find the process humbling, creative, expansive, healing and uplifting. And…the skills can be translated to “real life.”

First of all, many of us worry too much about things that will never even happen or plan for things we really can’t control. We’d be better off getting into our hearts and bodies—experiencing what we’re feeling before responding, than spending so much time in our heads trying to figure out what to do, how to react, or mentally creating worrisome scenarios that don’t exist.  

Here are the five “ingredients” – the primary tools in an actor’s toolkit – as taught to me by Jo Dodge.

-Who am I?

-Where am I?

-What do I want (and why do I want it?)

-What is the relationship?

-The conflict?

The WHO is pretty obvious. You’re that plumber, the pianist, the boy, the crazy aunt, with all of the rich history of that character.

*The more you can identify with the inner workings and motivations of a character, the better actor you will be. The more you can do the same in interacting with another person in your life – ie, walk a mile in their moccasins – the more effective you will be in communication.

The WHERE is important because you are going to behave much differently in a crowded restaurant than you are in your bedroom by yourself, on a plane going down with an engine on fire than on the swing on your sister’s front porch.

*If you always behave exactly the same way whether in a restaurant, your bedroom, a crashing plane, or your sister’s porch…well…there is reason for concern. J  

What do I WANT (and why do I want it?) can be more challenging. This is the motivating force that drives what you say and do, in character, on stage. Jo always said you need a strong want; if it’s not strong enough, find another right away.  And it can’t be a “don’t want.” (I don’t want to go to work today. I don’t want you to get your driver’s license yet.) And for purposes of improv, on stage, it should be what do you want in the next five minutes, not a month or a year from now.

*If you don’t want to go to work today, what do you want to do today? Seriously? In an ideal version of the highest and grandest vision of yourself, how would you spend today? And the next day, and the next? And why?

RELATIONSHIP.  A man walks onstage. He picks up an envelope on the table, opens it, and pulls out a piece of paper with a lot of numbers in a column and a total below a bold line. Also on the table is a framed photograph of a lovely, smiling woman who appears to be in her late 60’s. The man sits down at the table and puts down the paper, upside down, with shaking hands. He picks up the framed photo, looks at it, and begins to cry.

We have a relationship here with noone else on stage but the man, and not a word spoken. You can see this is the plumber mentioned above.   

*It is easy for any of us to get so caught up in what we want that we forget what is important to the other person in the relationship, be it our partner, parent, child, sibling, co-worker or client.

CONFLICT.

There is no interesting book, play or movie without conflict. Being born means we will experience conflict, which probably started—if not in the womb—when our parents had differing ideas on how to approach our crying in the middle of the might when our diapers were wet. Fred wants to go to the 3D horror movie at the new cinemaplex while his girlfriend Paula wants to stay home, make beer cheese soup and watch GHOST on DVD. Again. Your aunt wants to plant marigolds; your uncle is all for ghost peppers. You want to take a weekend for gallery hopping; your partner wants to plan a trip for nearby B & B’s that boast haunting (while I’m on the ghost kick.)

*Yep, it’s inevitable. Conflict. How do you deal with it? Do you listen and feel before responding (rather than reacting?) Do you know what you want? Do you know what the other party wants? It sure helps if you both do, and you can communicate clearly without belittling or badgering each other.

Cheers to knowing who you are, where you are, what you want, how to develop the relationship despite conflict, and the same of the people with whom you choose to interact! And please enjoy the next movie or play you go to – applaud the actors madly and passionately.

Authentically Yours,

Laura

Simply Authentic...Your Soul Voice is Calling. Follow Your Own Dream

Follow Your Own Dream

THE LAKE HOUSE (Warner Brothers, 2006) is one of my all time favorite movies, and very possibly my favorite romantic movie. At least I can’t think of any I like better. In it, there is a scene in which Kate (Sandra Bullock’s character) shares with Alex (Keanu Reeves’ character) that her father – who whisked her away from a would-be singing career with a musician boyfriend when she was just 16 – had a dream of her becoming a doctor, and eventually her father’s dreams became her own.

If you ask me, a parent dreaming of their child becoming a medical practitioner is probably preferable to persuading him or her towards…say…involvement in organized crime or a terrorist group. And I certainly admire anyone who has the wherewithal to make it through medical school. All the same, I would rather see every parent encouraging their children to explore the most authentic dreams in the deepest recesses of the child’s heart and soul.

I read two things today (I am writing this September 3, 2014) by two different writers who approach this topic in radically different ways. To me, they are both well-written excerpts which speak to the same overriding philosophy. I want to share them both with you.

The Unwatched Space

             I tried so hard to please that I never realized no one is watching.

I imagined, like everyone else at school, that my parents were sitting just out of view like those quiet doctors behind clean mirrors, watching and reprimanding my every move. As I reached adulthood, the habit continued. I walked around constantly troubled by what others must be thinking of what I was or was not doing. In this, we are burdened with the seeds of self-conscious. From this, we trouble our spontaneity and the possibility of joy by watching ourselves too closely, nervously unsure if this or that is a mistake.

It is from the burden of others watching and judging that the need to achieve gets exaggerated into the want for fame. I remember at different times fantasizing the future gathering like an audience, ready to marvel at how much I had done with so little. It didn’t even matter for what this attention might come. Just let some form of watchfulness be approving, and I would know relief.

It wasn’t till I woke bleeding after surgery, with all those mothlike angels breathing against me, that I realized that the audience was gone. I cried way inside, not because I had just had a rib removed and not because I was in the midst of battling cancer. I cried because I had not only been physically opened, but also opened beneath my sense of being watched. Somehow the unwatched space was given air. Though I could explain it to no one, my sobs were sobs of relief, the water of a de-shelled spirit soaking ground.

Years have passed, and I wait long hours in the sun to see the birch fall of its own weight into the lake, and it seems to punctuate God’s mime. Nothing said about it. Now the audience of watchers is gone and I can feel life happen in its quiet, vibrant way without anything interfering. Now, sometimes at night, when the dog is asleep and the owl is beginning to stare into what no one ever sees, I stand on the deck and feel the honey of night spill off the stars, feel it coat the earth, the trees, the minds of children half asleep, feel the stillness evaporate all notions of fame into the unwatched space that waits for light. In this undistorted silence, the presence of God is a kiss. It is here in this unwatched space that peace begins.

– Mark Nepo, THE BOOK OF AWAKENING. Conari Imprint, Red wheel/Weiser, Boston, MA 2000

 

Barbara Stanny’s Weekly Words of Wealth

Is Becoming Your True Self a Scary Thought?

Ultimately, Financial Success is an Act of Individuation.

 
            Individuation is a psychological task we should’ve undertaken as adolescents, but which few of us (especially women) have actually completed.

Individuation means distinguishing what’s true for us from what’s been artificially imposed—by our family or society as a whole—then letting go of what no longer serves us.

What we think we are supposed to be—all the shoulds, oughts, musts—too often gets in the way of what we actually could be.

I invite you to ponder this: What values, goals, beliefs have I absorbed from my family that no longer suit me? Then consider how these may be standing in the way of your utmost success.

Warmly, Barbara. www.barbarastanny.com

 

Let go of the perceived watchers. Embrace your individuation. Follow your own dream.

Authentically Yours,

Laura