My last post was about listening to the IVIN (Inner Voice/Intuitive Nature), and I gave a specific example, one involving dear friends, from my own life.
Here’s another personal example illustrating how it’s wise to not only listen to the IVIN, but to ask for guidance.
In early 2010, I was working at a claims job I had grown to hate, while going through voice teacher apprenticeship training with the Transformational Voice Institute, which I loved. I was using my PTO time to attend the weekly apprenticeship meeting on Friday afternoons, and was in the studio two other evenings a week after work – for my personal voice lesson and to co-teach or assist with a voice class. The job I had at the time couldn’t be accomplished in 40 or 50 hours a week, much less 36. There were times I worked from my home computer at midnight, trying to catch up.
Push came to shove, and I needed to make a choice. My work product was suffering to the point where my PTO would be revoked and I couldn’t attend the TVI meetings anymore. I asked myself, “Why would I give up something I love to save a job I hate?” I knew I would regret that decision for the rest of my life.
But the idea of quitting my job without having another income source filled me with fear. Terror. How could I possibly be so financially irresponsible? I had obligations and commitments; I couldn’t just quit!
When it became very clear that choice was upon me, I took a deep breath and went for a Godwalk, my usual walking route around the office. I prayed. I asked for guidance as to what I should do now, what I should apply for, what my next steps were. While waiting at a stoplight, I literally said (I don’t recall if aloud or silently in my head), “If I’m going to quit my job, in this economy, without having another one, I want a sign.”
The light turned green, I crossed the street, and halfway down the block I saw Paul, whom I worked with in the 1990’s at the same quasi-public insurance company I mentioned in my last post. He runs, I walk, and our paths would occasionally cross. But for the first time, that day, he stopped running and asked me where I worked. I said I was seriously considering resigning, and he suggested I send my resume as Matrix had some new business coming on board which would mean new hires. I had to memorize his email address in my head as neither of us had business cards, anything to write with, or phones on us.
If that’s not an immediate answer to a prayer, I don’t know what is.
So, I put in my notice – a long term notice – with that company, and kept up with my voice training.
I was unemployed for four and a half months—applying and interviewing with other companies and signing up for temp work all the while—before the job with Matrix materialized. I went through some scary times, times when I wasn’t even sure how I would put gas in my car. But somehow money always mysteriously showed up when I needed it, even a room to rent for 60 days; then when the job did materialize, I was hired at a substantially higher annual income than I was making at that shitty job I left.
That was a happy day.
And during that uncertain period, I learned how to trust. How to believe if I only listen to what is true in my heart, and take a step…even if seemingly off a cliff…I will be provided for.
And now, over four years later... This job has been great (if certainly challenging and frustrating at times – that’s the nature of a claims job) and Paul one of the best managers I have ever had. I’ve also known for over a year it’s time to make a change. I have workshops to facilitate (I’ve already written and taken a “test drive” of one full two day Authentic Expression workshop), classes to create, at least two more books to write, acting to do, and authentic performance to teach. My first voice student in about three years recently signed up for her first lesson. I can’t do all of this and continue to work a full time job at the same time.
Writing my resignation letter (at home) wasn’t easy. In fact, I’m surprised how difficult it was, considering how ready I have been to leave, and for how long. Tears trickled down my face while I was typing it and I kept having to stop to blow my nose. It took me two and a half hours to work up the courage (at the office) to send Paul a simple e-mail…”Do you have time to chat for a few minutes at some point today?” I’ve given ample flexibility for my notice period as it would be nice to see a new examiner hired and trained before I leave. So at this point I don’t know exactly when my last day will be.
I do know it’s time to move on and more fully embrace my heart callings. This time I’m more financially prepared, and it is not such a dramatic need for change…yet I’m still stepping out into the unknown, ready to take another risk. Nothing great comes without risk and challenge. There are times we simply must leave the security of the safety net to embrace our full potential.
In fact, I would say we must continuously do so.
I will see you there…where the sea-watery essence of our colliding dreams meets the open waves and sandy ground of the sun-warmed beach.