Wednesday, January 11, 2012

How Are You?

My mom and I went to an event once where the speaker said to answer that question with "unbelievable". He gave examples of how it can mean either a positive reply or negative reply, although people usually interpret it positively.  

How was your weekend?  Unbelievable!

How was the visit from the in-laws?  Unbelievable!

Liz D, Salem, OR

2 comments:

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  2. I don't usually ask people in passing either, Rocky, especially since I started this "HAY experiment", although I do sometimes "catch" myself. Sometimes I shift to "What's going on?" Or, "What's new in your life?" Often the answer is something like "Nothing special." Often the answer is something that is happening in their life they want to share, either 'positive' or 'negative.'

    I do find "How was your weekend?" can often lead to the same kind of an experience...in the office on Monday after the weekend. "It was fine."

    I had a brief conversation about the HAY question with a woman in my office a few weeks ago. She almost always answers, "Not bad at all!" Just yesterday, a fellow co-worker asked "J", I will call her, how her birthday was. J said it was one of the best birthdays she had ever had. She was treated - by her husband - to flowers, dinner,(I hope I'm remembering this correctly), a funny card that apparently had something to do with how great he thought her ass was, and then a beautiful card packed into her lunch that was so heart-felt it made her cry. Then they watched a movie and snuggled in bed. I found myself welling up with tears when she mentioned how the soppy card made her cry.

    Then, she shared that just the week before he had said something like, "The only thing you're going to get from me for your birthday is divorce papers!"

    The first words out of my mouth were, "Is he bi-polar?" I didn't even think - those words just flew from between my lips like a bat in a cave.

    Well, yes, he is. And his medication can sometimes be a bit off.

    Having a close family member who is bi-polar, I have an inkling of what J might be going through. She's been married to this man for seven years, and I saw the incredible rose bouquet he sent to her at the office; it's one of the most exquisite I have ever seen. If someone sent a bouquet like that to me at the office, I would melt on the spot.

    So, J may answer "Not bad at all" to the HAY question. But when asked how her birthday was, by my co-worker who really wanted to know - and I happened to be there in the next cube and also really wanted to know - we got an honest answer. And she got an honest response from me.

    Now I feel I know J a bit better. And have even more admiration for her than I already did.

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